Slipping and Falling

Each day we are getting closer to closing out 2013.  A lot has happened this year and I have to admit, I am having a really hard time grasping that it’s Winter.  Okay, technically not until the 21st but we have had enough snow and cold here in Kelowna to declare it Winter.

I have had a lot of anxiety lately about it becoming Winter.  The cold I can handle.  The snow I can handle.  The ice, not so much.  Last year I had a bad fall on the ice and since then, have been petrified of slipping and falling.  Around this time last year, we had a dump of wet snow that turned to ice that didn’t melt until the Spring.  Kelowna was quite literally a skating rink.

Being a holistic health practitioner, I know that being afraid of slipping and falling on the ice is a metaphor.  Having been able to hide behind a monitor for closer to 20 years, I am entering a very different realm of earning a pay cheque.  

I am fearing failure.  I am fearing no clients.  I am fearing slipping and falling.

I know I need to stop letting fear hold me back.  This fear is something I plan on focusing on through the Winter.  I know I also need to let go of why I feel I don’t deserve to earn an honest living.  So many fears and belief systems that I need to dig up and release.

Anyone else letting fear hold them back from achieving their dreams?  What have you done to get through it?  

Trekking into Fall

Life is a journey of several million steps – both metaphorically and literally.

Throughout our lives, we plot out varying destinations (goals/hopes/dreams) and those of us that are keener’s, might actually plan the trails we would need to take to arrive at those destinations (goal setting/planning).  While we may or may not ever arrive at those destinations, I think it is pretty safe to say, that very rarely do those footprints exactly match, step by step, the ones we (may have) plotted out.

I believe its natural in our lives to remap out those trails and to add and/or remove destinations that no longer serve a purpose.  Some might refer to those as “failures” which is a word that has such negative meaning attached to it.  But without those “failures”, we might not ever find success, re-prioritize and/or in the process, discover who we are and who we are not (at least, at those points in time).

I am used to failures and it took me many years to realize that those failures were just indications that I was wanting to become someone I was not (a corporate junkie with an MoT MBA, sipping on my Starbux).  I had the greatest of intentions and really did want to climb the corporate ladder.  As I have come to understand (although I admire those who go that route), it is not who I am and did not sit well with my core values.  My working in a corporate environment was like sandpaper on a babies bottom.

I initially had an extremely hard time of letting go of those dreams and aspirations I had about my now former career.  The more I realized why I was “not successful” in a corporate environment, the easier it became for me to push aside those goals and replace them with new ones.  This is not to say I had no success in a corporate environment, I had several, just very few that were ever acknowledged and I have little appreciation for those who are unappreciative.

The straw that broke the camel’s back on my tech career was working 24 hours of OT one weekend to ensure a flawless launch on a project that would have been scrapped (along with a few hundred thousand dollars down the drain) had I not ensured the launch was successful and not rolled back to the previous version (which did not happen).  Instead of praise, I got a kick in the ass for having worked so much OT – coincidentally enough, a corporate expectation and the only OT I ever worked at that job.

I look for the positives in everything in life and the positives were ending up on LTD a few days post launch, buying my Canon T2i with the OT pay, creating the time needed for me to delve into the world of holistic healing and most of all, that final nail in the coffin of my tech career.  I sure was not planning on a career change (although I had wanted one for years) but that was where my life trails began remapping themselves as I re-prioritized what was important to me 2-3 years ago.  I have never looked back or regretted my decision to not return to that job.

Because of my experiences in the corporate world, I have been very fearful of “failures” as a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner.  Confidence and fear of failure has unfortunately fed into it taking longer then I had hoped to get to the point I am today of being ready to start seeing clients.  While I had hoped to be further into my new career by now, there were a few side treks I had to make first along my journey in life – each of which I am thankful for.

Now that I have those side quests of the Summer behind me, I am falling into Fall where I find comfort with the changing of the seasons to Fall.  I will over the next few weeks be taking more SIPS courses in Vancouver, re-visiting my goal setting and returning to Kelowna to fill my role as a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner.

I am exactly where I am meant to be right now.  And very thankful for that.