Down by the sea

The last couple of years that I lived in Vancouver, I knew I was ready for some big changes which included being ready to move away from Vancouver.  We didn’t know until the last few months that we were headed to Kelowna.

As I sat to write this, I fired up my music player as per usual and decided to listen to Morcheeba.  Normally I pick an album but today I double-clicked on her name.  As I was writing the first paragraph and thinking about Vancouver, The Sea was playing:

Morcheeba – The Sea:

I left my soul there,
Down by the sea
I lost control here
Living free

A cool breeze flows but mind the wasp
Some get stung it’s worth the cost
I’d love to stay
The city calls me home
More hassles fuss and lies on the phone

“I left my soul there.  Down by the sea.  I lost control there, living free.”  About sums up my time there.

I had a *really* hard time adjusting to Kelowna but in the past couple of years, have grown to love it here.  It hardly rains (it pours non-stop in Vancouver), it’s dry (it can be so humid in Vancouver that you’re sweating in the mid-20’s) and food can be reasonably cheap because we have access to fresh fruits and vegetables which is the majority of our diet.  As you know, we do a lot of canning and the Okanagan is the perfect place for it.

We knew moving to Kelowna was a layover and the plan was to stay long enough for my partner to finish her Phd (in June 2013) and me my side quest (June 2012).  We know we are going to have to move for her to get full-time work and has her sights set on another city.  But I have been like a cat with my claws dug into Kelowna not wanting to move anywhere other than West.  This move would technically be West which is a few steps in the right direction.

I certainly never thought I would have had my claws dug so deeply into Kelowna – especially when my soul is down by the sea.  The psychologist I was seeing during my LTD had even commented on my change of heart about Kelowna when she knew how much I hated Kelowna and my heart was still in Vancouver.

Heading into 2013, there was a part of me fearing it was going to be a crap year because of the superstition surrounding the number thirteen.  To be quite honest, I have had a really crappy year but also made positive changes:

  • broken (and still unfixed) tooth in February
  • passing of my beloved companion of 12 years
  • ER trips x 3 with my son
  • massive flareup/infection in another tooth
  • bankruptcy
  • my car is close to dying
  • weight loss?!
  • poor and broke
  • sick a lot lately
  • stuck

But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I keep plugging on and am reminded of exactly why I have wanted a tattoo of a labyrinth tattooed on my forearm since my son was born over six years ago.  A tattoo I would like to get in the Spring when I have more money.

The problem is, I am feel stagnant and stuck in a holding pattern right now that I cannot get out of until at least the Spring.  There are certain things that are happening in my life that are either whizzing by too fast that I am having a hard time dealing and comprehending whereas others are so slow that they are not even moving if not, moving backwards.

I am exactly where I am meant to be, right now.
-Louise Hay

Something I keep reminding myself of.  Over a decade ago, I got my heart broken quite badly.  I was so in love with someone whom I had planned out the next ten years of my life with and when that relationship ended, I stopped planning for the future and having expectations.

Over the past three years since exiting the corporate world, deep dark depression, bad social anxieties and finishing up that side quest I was on, I have started to see a future again.  I once again have hopes, dreams and expectations for the future.

Hopes and dreams which are on the verge of a cascading avalanche about to happen as more pieces of the puzzle materialize and fit into place.  Pieces that make up that dreamboard I have been working on over the past few months including changing some of the images.

I have a really hard time sitting on my hands when I have my sights set on something.  I am feeling on the verge of bursting out of my skin and quite frankly, have been for most of this calendar year but life keeps getting in the way.  Normally I would get dejected out of frustration but know it’s part of the process of getting from Point A to Point B in life:  timing could be off, more life lessons to learn, and of course, a few tests thrown in for good measure.  The difference this time is I have expectations that there will be side quests I need to conquer along the way and although I cannot plan for them, I can accept them for what they are, thank life for the lesson and move on.

As I Nestle in for the Winter, I am mapping out how best to fill in the gap while placing more stepping stones for my life’s path.  There are a few more rocks along the road that I need to clear but when I have my sights set on something, I tend to be successful in clearing paths to get to my preferred destination(s).

This will include clearing space, healing, blogging, upgrading, studying, practicing, photography, quilting, crafts and spending time with my family.

I have not yet fully fleshed out my current goals on paper but have been in my head.  With an extra long weekend, I will be focusing some energy on them and working on clearing space now so that it is ready for me to move forward.

Are you stuck in life?  Stuck in transition?  Or have you ever been stuck?  What did you do to get yourself out of the mud?  What motivates you to keep trying to free one foot to move forward even when you know that you might have to work on freeing that foot again?

Serenity

Contentment.

The feeling that overcame me when I attended my first set of SIPS courses in Vancouver early this year.

Serenity.

Is the feeling I have had over the past week of doing my last round of SIPS courses.  I am thankful to finally feel at ease with becoming a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner.  I am thankful for the healing work and clearing that occurred over the Summer because of the peace it has brought me overall and especially around the hangups I have had with seeing clients.

Bliss.

I knew that the Blenz in White Rock opens stupid late (8:30 during the week!?) and was online last night trying to find a less commercial coffee shop in which I could blog this morning.  What a treat it was to find the Small Ritual Coffee Society which is a not-for-profit community coffee shop!

While I would prefer to be drinking my white mocha this morning with almond milk, I am in love with this little piece of heaven I have found at the corner of Johnson and Prospect street.

Remapping my Goals:

I was supposed to head over to Parksville not realizing my courses finished Saturday and not Friday.  Instead, I decided to try and take a day to decompress, blog, reflect back on the past week and touch base with my goal setting.  While I am disheartened with the fact that I completely lost my momentum with blogging and photography, sometimes you just have to deal with life and priorities get shuffled.  As we nestle into my favourite season of the year, I am working on getting back in touch with my goal setting, blogging and photography.

Holistic Healthcare Practitioner

As it sits right now, I am quite happy with where I am at course wise.  I am ready to see clients and confident that I will be able to find my way through any issues during a session that may come up.  I am very thankful for my instructors, mentors and classmates who have all contributed to increasing my knowledge and confidence in becoming a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner using Specializing Kinesiology.  I am also very thankful for those who have allowed me to practice on them, their patience and their feedback.  I know my knowledge, confidence and skill-set will only increase with experience.

I will take SIPS (Stress Indicator Point System) courses whenever I can, either auditing or taking the higher level SIPS courses when Ian Stubbings travels from Australia to teach in Canada.  I have sort of etched out upcoming courses I would like to take and know more might be added as they come up.

As of October 5th, I will be seeing clients on Saturdays and eagerly awaiting seeing my first client booked in the calendar at work!

Personal Health and Wellness

One of my goals has been to get out of bed by 6.  This past week I have not slept past about that time so I am wanting to maintain this when I get home.  I have always found the most success in incorporating exercise into my day by getting it out of the way first thing in the morning before I have time to think about it.  I have never been a breakfast person and I would like to change that, even if its just a shake or smoothie (which may or may not replace my morning coffee).

The past few months have seen less meat in our diet being replaced by high protein meat alternatives such as kale, quinoa and chick peas.  I have been on the hunt for and printing out scads of RAW food recipes that look amazing.  I have a homeopathic cleanse awaiting me at home which I will start when I get back and hoping it will be the start of me getting even further into eating a more wholesome diet.

Both of the above will contribute to my ongoing weight loss.  I cannot remember if I have blogged about the fact that there is more to my being able to lose weight then diet and exercise which both seem to be fine.

Hobbies

As I have been settling back into Fall, I have also been settling back into blogging.  Publishing this will be blog post number five for the month which is pushing me closer to my goal of eight.  Before I settled back into it a few weeks ago, I had a bit of a blogging identity crisis.  I have been very careful about what I write on here wanting to remain positive whenever possible and have at times, really had to scrub some of the content before posting it.  My goal with this blog was to inspire others to lead a happier, healthier and more holistic lifestyle and I am an avid believer in leading by example.

I see myself blogging more about food as I incorporate more RAW into my diet and play around with recipes to see what does and does not work.  As I gravitate further away from white flour, white sugar, dairy and meat, the sicker I feel whenever I eat them.  Even just looking at photographs of or being in the presence of these (and other processed) foods, I feel sick and can feel my body revolt.  My body has the opposite effect when I see healthier foods.  My mouth was watering at the sight of acorn squash down in Keremeos two weeks ago and I wish I had bought more.

That leaves my camera which has gotten a little dusty and I have to admit, I have had no motivation to get out with it since last Fall.  I love the Fall colors and know it will start inspiring me to get out with my camera over the next few months.  I would also like to start learning more about how my camera works and need to pull out the couple of photography books I have and start reading them.

Concluded.

As I look outside trying to conclude how to conclude this conclusion, I see how dark and gloomy it is outside.  The rain is coming down and the wind is blowing.  Most people who live here would look outside and complain about the weather.  I look outside and it warms my heart on a cool, gloomy Sunday morning.  The movement of the leaves reminds me that without movement, there is not change.  The rain reminds me that without the water, life cannot grow and we cannot cleanse.  And as I walk to my car and get cold and damp, I know it will remind me that I am alive today, have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a loving family to go home to and for all of that, I am very thankful.

Trekking into Fall

Life is a journey of several million steps – both metaphorically and literally.

Throughout our lives, we plot out varying destinations (goals/hopes/dreams) and those of us that are keener’s, might actually plan the trails we would need to take to arrive at those destinations (goal setting/planning).  While we may or may not ever arrive at those destinations, I think it is pretty safe to say, that very rarely do those footprints exactly match, step by step, the ones we (may have) plotted out.

I believe its natural in our lives to remap out those trails and to add and/or remove destinations that no longer serve a purpose.  Some might refer to those as “failures” which is a word that has such negative meaning attached to it.  But without those “failures”, we might not ever find success, re-prioritize and/or in the process, discover who we are and who we are not (at least, at those points in time).

I am used to failures and it took me many years to realize that those failures were just indications that I was wanting to become someone I was not (a corporate junkie with an MoT MBA, sipping on my Starbux).  I had the greatest of intentions and really did want to climb the corporate ladder.  As I have come to understand (although I admire those who go that route), it is not who I am and did not sit well with my core values.  My working in a corporate environment was like sandpaper on a babies bottom.

I initially had an extremely hard time of letting go of those dreams and aspirations I had about my now former career.  The more I realized why I was “not successful” in a corporate environment, the easier it became for me to push aside those goals and replace them with new ones.  This is not to say I had no success in a corporate environment, I had several, just very few that were ever acknowledged and I have little appreciation for those who are unappreciative.

The straw that broke the camel’s back on my tech career was working 24 hours of OT one weekend to ensure a flawless launch on a project that would have been scrapped (along with a few hundred thousand dollars down the drain) had I not ensured the launch was successful and not rolled back to the previous version (which did not happen).  Instead of praise, I got a kick in the ass for having worked so much OT – coincidentally enough, a corporate expectation and the only OT I ever worked at that job.

I look for the positives in everything in life and the positives were ending up on LTD a few days post launch, buying my Canon T2i with the OT pay, creating the time needed for me to delve into the world of holistic healing and most of all, that final nail in the coffin of my tech career.  I sure was not planning on a career change (although I had wanted one for years) but that was where my life trails began remapping themselves as I re-prioritized what was important to me 2-3 years ago.  I have never looked back or regretted my decision to not return to that job.

Because of my experiences in the corporate world, I have been very fearful of “failures” as a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner.  Confidence and fear of failure has unfortunately fed into it taking longer then I had hoped to get to the point I am today of being ready to start seeing clients.  While I had hoped to be further into my new career by now, there were a few side treks I had to make first along my journey in life – each of which I am thankful for.

Now that I have those side quests of the Summer behind me, I am falling into Fall where I find comfort with the changing of the seasons to Fall.  I will over the next few weeks be taking more SIPS courses in Vancouver, re-visiting my goal setting and returning to Kelowna to fill my role as a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner.

I am exactly where I am meant to be right now.  And very thankful for that.