Summer in the Okanagan is expected to be hot but this Summers heat has been accentuated with higher then normal humidity and a lot of 35C+ days. When the temperature gets up that high (never mind feeling like we are still in Vancouver with the humidity), my daydreams go to those of Pumpkin Spice Latte’s and cool Fall mornings on my favourite cafe’s patios. This is especially heightened this year with the upgrades along Bernard Avenue in Kelowna to widen sidewalks and increase the size of patios.
Health and Wellness
My Summer has unfortunately been one that has left me unmotivated, sad and really needing down and alone time. I have always been a thinker and have had my ongoing battles with depression and anxiety over the years. While I feel as though the bulk of my anxiety was released from my chest last Summer, it was a real eye opener for me to feel what I did, the intensity and the duration of it with the passing of my beloved companion.
Feeling as much as I did may very well be from the amount of healing I have done on and off over the years. I am currently in the 17 year anniversary of the weekend from hell when I literally went numb for well over a decade and as evident in my holistic healing sessions, I am still healing from. The numbness had me feeling very cold around death because I never felt anything while people around me wept. When my cat died, it was as if every tear I had not shed since that weekend was released from a major break of the damn.
Shedding of Emotional and Physical Weight
During my time of grieving, I took a step from my desire to lose weight. I had been so focused on losing weight for so long that I felt I needed to come at it from a different angle. I took Systems Analysis type courses through college and realize that we often presented with the symptoms of problems but not heart of the problem itself.
I know the fat around my middle is a security blanket but until my healing sessions leading up to and over this Summer, had no idea I had been holding onto something so tightly which I finally started letting go of. It is something the death of my cat seemed to really stir up and although his death really broke my heart, I am thankful for the catalyst of changes that have occurred since.
The last session I had was probably the most bizarre session I have had to date. By mid-July, I was finally starting to move on and life started to normalize after a horrible start to my Summer. Then I burned the crap out of my mouth, over and over and over with the pan friend potatoes of the Smoked Salmon and Avocado Eggs Benny I had made for dinner one night. After burning myself several times, I wondered if the heat would ever come out of those damn potatoes!
For about two weeks I was in excruciating pain where the site of a tooth extraction from four years ago became very swollen and infected. While this was going on, my sinuses were flaring up and as the pain and swelling in my mouth was going down, my ear started to ache. We are going on five weeks now of clearing this up which in turn is also clearing a lot of old emotional junk out of the closet. I feel like a changed man from that one session and very curious to see how I feel once this infection completely clears up.
I admit that I did not have much of an appetite after my kitty died and it was hard to eat solid food from the flare up in my mouth. Since my cat has died, I have lost just shy of 20 pounds. Shortly before life started to blow up in May, I set a goal of: Weight to 215 lbs by August 19th, 2013. I am currently down to 217 and although I only missed my goal by two pounds, I have mixed feelings about declaring it a failure or a success. I will take it for what it is and set my next weight loss goal.
There was an evening over the Summer that I happened to sit down at my desk and started re-arranging the cut outs for my Dreamboard on the old busted white board I had fixed up for it. This was not something I consciously sat down to do and was just in the office to put something away. About two hours into doing this, I decided I might as well start taping them onto the board since I knew the pieces kept moving from wind and/or my (other) cat jumping up onto my desk. Not until I was done did I even realize what I was doing!
I have only taped about half of the pieces I placed that day and currently what I have in total only covers just over half the board. I know there are several pieces I am need to find and will have to go on a search for them.
Holistic Healthcare Practitioner:
The downside of the ups and downs and the healing I have undertaken since May is that it has unfortunately put my becoming a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner on hold. While it is disappointing that four months have passed during this detour in my life, I am very happy and thankful to be where I am today. When I have not felt healthy myself (emotionally or physically), I feel as though it is hypocritical of me to become a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner.
I will be pushing myself out of my comfort zone starting in September to start making money as a Practitioner. I need to be balanced for it to allow myself the space to make mistakes, be slow at first, know that I won’t know everything and that learning is a lifelong process. When I was at work on Friday, I sent off the information for my business cards to the graphic designer, donated four sessions for door prizes to two events and contemplating also handing out half prize session coupons as door prizes.
I am thankful my Father will be paying for another two SIPS courses coming up at the end of September that I am really looking forward to. I wish I could somehow swing N.O.T. 2&3 in November but short of a miracle, they will have to wait until next year.
I look forward to the day I can cross this off my list. I have been wanting to re-purpose our office into a “healing and hobbies room”. One of the biggest stumbling blocks for working on some of my hobbies is space.
My apologies for my absence and this scattered post.
Life is settling down, the temperatures are cooling off and we are heading into my favourite season of the year – Fall. I will start re-working my goals over the next couple of weeks which will include my getting back into blogging and taking photos on a regular basis.
I write this post as a completely different person from the post I wrote in May. I am calmer, more at ease and lighter both emotionally and physically. For the first time in over a decade, I have future life goals which become clearer by the day.
I want to live a healthy, holistic and minimalist life.
Having worked in corporations, been a corporate Vancouver Starbux junkie (2+ times/day) and wanting at one point to acquire an MBA, I never thought I would get to a place in life where I want to be a hippie, living off the land and as anti-corporation as I have become.
It used to be that technology and climbing corporate ladders excited me and now, it’s looking at pictures of fresh produce and wanting to learn more about sustainable farming that gets me all hot and bothered.