Everyone has their own shit in life that they have to deal with. Shit that comes and goes in varying degrees and from different sources. There is usually more than enough for any one person to deal with without taking on other people’s shit as well.
Unfortunately, when we do not take on other peoples shit, we are labelled as “selfish” and made to feel guilty about it. The worst of which is a belief system that it is our job to make other people happy, regardless of the toll(s) it takes on our own well being.
When I learned this life lesson, I literally felt an elephant get up off of my shoulders and walk away.
Don’t own other people’s shit.
A phrase I have told friends countless times over the years. We all have enough in our own lives that we cannot afford to take on other people’s shit as well. We all have things that have happened to us throughout our lives but we all need to learn how to best deal with it and not take it out on others.
As much as you need to live your own life and learn your own life lessons, you have to allow others to do the same.
When someone is nasty or treats you poorly, don’t take it personally. It says nothing about you but a lot about them
– Man Of Honor
When someone puts you down, criticizes you or is abusive towards you in some other fashion, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them! “Bullies” as most of us know them as, are simply using you to help make themselves feel better about themselves. A stepping stone towards their own “happiness”, if you will.
Quite often what they are putting you down about, is an inner reflection of themselves. Whether it’s weight, beauty or choices you’ve made, chances are, they are either jealous and/or it is triggering something within themselves.
A side effect of having learned this life lesson, is that I have become much more empathetic with people. Whenever someone puts me down, rather then letting the “razor cut me” and/or taking it personally, I look sympathetically at the person. I wonder what has or is going on in their life that they would bully me to help themselves feel better about themselves.
I made the choice several years ago to not look down my nose on someone else’s life and/or criticize the choices they make. Again, I am human (that is, I am not perfect). I may not feel that they are healthy or the “right” choices but they are not my choices to make, my lessons in life to learn or my life to live. Instead, I try to “plant seeds” into their mind for when they are ready to make changes. Other times, I outright call them on their “shit” and point blank ask them what their issue is with whatever they are criticizing me about.
I think one of the hardest things in life for a lot of people to accept is that you cannot change anyone but yourself. People have to want to change in order to make positive changes in their own lives. We can only do what is right for ourselves and make changes to foster our own happiness.
Do you have a “bully” in your life or have you had one in the past? What have you done to change the situation? Can you look back now on a former “bully” in your life and view them differently now? Are you a bully? Have you ever looked inside yourself as to why?